ViD: proof that Turkish-Armenian dialogue is difficult, but not impossible

As many of my close friends know, I am a member of Voices in Dialogue (ViD, formerly known under the straightforward yet unpoetic name of the Turkish-Armenian Dialogue Group of Ottawa (TADGO)). I joined the group because I met a beautiful human being who become my very good friend, Kumru Bilici, at a genocide conference in Montreal in 2008. Kumru is a Film Studies Graduate Student at Carleton University. She grew up in Istanbul, and is of Kurdish origin. A mutual acquaintance introduced us: I was excited that a Turkish person (of Kurdish origin) was attending the genocide conference, and very much wanted to meet her. We hit it off right away. Kumru told me about a new dialogue group she helped form in Ottawa where she (and I) lived, in an effort to follow the vision of then recently assassinated Turkish-Armenian journalist Hrant Dink, the founder and editor of the newspaper Agos. Kumru was a freelance writer for Agos, and had been close friends with Hrant. She often recounted how important Hrant was to her, and also offered details one doesn't read about in the press, such as, that he was very warm and personable, or that he gave the most amazing heartfelt hugs.

Hrant Dink had for years tried to find a non-conventional way of pushing forward Turkish-Armenian dialogue, including discussing that oh-so taboo subject of the genocide within Turkey, in public settings no less. For this, he received much flak from both sides of the enormous divide, a huge following of forward-thinking people, and many, many enemies, including tragically, many in the Turkish court system and the State itself. His vision ultimately cost him his life, and his powerful voice was silenced. His funeral received international press coverage, as more than 100,000 people marched through the streets of Istanbul chanting slogans such as "We are all Armenian, We are all Hrant!" I never had the pleasure of meeting him, but I published a book on the history of Canada's response to the Armenian genocide in 2015, and dedicated my book to Hrant Dink (and to my grandmother).

As I understand it, several groups such as ours in Ottawa existed once upon a time; in Paris and Boston at least. To my knowledge however, unlike our group, none others have survived. There are likely several reasons for our longevity: not least of which, our group had a "home base" of three wonderful and powerful Armenian women from Bolis (Istanbul), who opened up their homes and hearts to this group, surprised and encouraged that Turks wanted to meet Armenians, to accept the veracity of the genocide, and were ready to learn more about "the other". At first, our meetings were very emotional, and many of us shared personal anecdotes and very good food, and thus became friends before there was much discussion about politics and history, which may have been a good thing.

Politics and history did need to be addressed, however. In 2009, at an annual general meeting to discuss writing bylaws or a constitution for our group, we decided to tackle the enormous elephant in the room: the genocide. A compromise was reached on how to refer to it, which those interested can read in the About Us section of our website, among an explanation of how we see ourselves. But doing so cost our group several members, from all sides, some (mainly Turkish) for not wanting to discuss things "long buried in history", others (mainly Armenian) who retained enormous trust issues and trauma. But a core group remained, and they are now among my closest friends. Also, politically contentious topics within Turkey, such as contemporaneous issues relating to Turkish politics or Kurds within Turkey, were eventually discussed often, although I admit that I knew (and still know) very little about either topic, even though I have learned an awful lot more as compared to before.

In one sense, ViD has become a safe haven for a group of non-traditional, open-minded, mainly left-leaning, often academically-minded people who found a common home. Instead of focusing on hatred and what we had all previously learned as the enemy or the other, we started seeing the people from different backgrounds as "representing missing pieces of the puzzle", as my friend Kumru put it to me recently. Apart from one annual conference held on the anniversary of Hrant's assassination to commemorate his vision, we also share food and friendships and conversations several times a year. Not everyone agrees, but there is very often mutual respect. I am very proud of being associated with our group.

Ottawa has a very small Armenian community: so small that if individuals wanted to hang out only with "their kind", i.e. religiously or politically or socially, as in the city I come from of Montreal for example, few would ever gather. As such, it seemed so weird for me, at first, to count among my friends an increasing number of people of Turkish origin! Especially considering my background of being associated with the Armenian Revolutionary Federation (Դաշնակ/Tashnag), a nationalist and (one-time) socialist party. I was part of the Tashnag youth federation (AYC). I attended the Sourp Hagop school, and went to the associated church, and for many years was a dancer in the associated cultural group of Hamaskayin. Like many who grew up in my community centre, I was taught about the genocide from a very young age, the associated injustice, and importantly, an inherent hatred of all things Turkish. Those feelings remain:, after all, I became a genocide scholar! The trauma for any Armenian I am sure is very deep: but any person willing to challenge accepted norms of hatred and learn about my (our) history, my (our) past, my (our) genocide: well, I will accept them with arms very wide open. Hoping to emulate Hrant's hugs.

My opinion on Turkish-Armenian relations

I thought of my ViD group and friends often when I was in Armenia, but did not feel comfortable posting my thoughts about them throughout my stay. I recall during my only other visit in 2001, that Armenians I spoke to hoped for an opening of economic ties with Turkey: but now, even Football diplomacy is a distant memory. Feelings of shock and fear abound since the war, and anti-Turkish and anti-Azeri feelings among Armenians I spoke to were very high, as well as a huge sense of betrayal and mistrust, much higher than I had experienced in a while. I recall a conversation I had with members of Syunik NGO before fully understanding this dynamic, and mentioned that I belonged to a dialogue group with Turks and Kurds from Canada: the room was suddenly hushed. I understood such reaction better later on, but it pains me that this is so. I do understand it much better following my month-long stay.

It is my contention that issues such as the genocide cannot go forward without such, let's call them, "righteous Turks" who acknowledge historical wrongs, who are able to understand the pain many Armenians feel when recalling the genocide. As Kumru told me recently, while discussing a Turkish journalist's understanding of the war: how can the Azeri war not be seen without a thorough understanding of the genocide and its denial? Indeed my friend: and I'll add to this a growing anti-Armenian sentiment, such as the horrendous right-wing fundamentalist movement called the Grey Wolves, over and above hate speech and discrimination in both Turkey and Azerbaijan, which is pervasive. And of course, we should not discount the intense hatred felt by Armenians towards Turks and Azeris, even if such hatred comes from a very different place. I am encouraged to think that there is also a growing movement within Turkey of people challenging the status quo on the Ermeni Soykırımı/Armenian Genocide, as well as so many who learned in the last 20 years or so, that they actually have some (or more) Armenian blood, or that their niné/grandma was actually Armenian.

It pains me that we have yet to count any Azeri members in ViD: but I am hopeful that there will be such individuals coming forth in the future. Because we have all learned a lot from each other, and there is much to learn, still. What we have all required to get to this mindset is patience, understanding, and open-mindedness. But an important caveat: in my view, this is impossible without some things, such as genocide denial, being checked at the door.

A personal note: I believe that for me, being a member of ViD is not really difficult. It is a result of curiosity. Other Armenians who joined perhaps feel a sense of forgiveness: but I don't, since I know full-well that Turks are actively taught falsehoods, such as that the genocide never occurred, and so I personally don't feel there is anything to forgive when it is due to ignorance of the situation. Nevertheless, I am very encouraged by those brave enough to challenge accepted norms and to dig deeper. In fact, in my view, it is so much more difficult for Turkish and Kurdish members to join our group, they who need to deal with the concept of perpetrator guilt. I can't imagine what it must be like to think that my grandparents or great-grandparents may have participated in genocide. To me, they are the brave ones: including, in the case of many, the scrutiny of their own family members and friends back in Turkey (or even in some cases here in Canada) who don't agree with them! We should encourage and nurture this courage, not leave it out in the cold.

Another side-bar. Part of one conversation with Tilo, my East German guide on several occasions in Armenia, revolved around this concept of perpetrator guilt. He told me that during his 20s spent studying in the United Kingdom, he was very excited to meet people who were Holocaust survivors: they spoke Yiddish, a language he in later years tried to master as well. He eventually was accepted to attend their temples. They came from a common land, spoke a common tongue, ate common foods... it all sounded terribly familiar, and allowed him to reflect on his past, too.

Reconciliation is a wonderful thing, but it is difficult: it takes time and energy. And patience. From all sides. I know this war against Azerbaijan with Turkish backing can be a challenging concept for reconciliation among Armenians. But I maintain that it is so because we are steeped with a deep hatred of one another. When we are willing to listen to those who accept, in their hearts, certain truths about the past, certain actions we have taken or others have taken, when we approach all of this with an eye to the future, I think we can move mountains.

Picture taken at one of our annual conferences commemorating Hrant Dink.
The caption translates as "we are here, brother"
(I'm the bearded guy seated on the floor)