We're all the same 6 feet under...

Pardon the dark thoughts, it is a dark day for me today. I mean, the saying comes to mind because after all, even though I am having trouble with the inequities of life in general, and here in particular, it is humbling to think we will all die in the end: perhaps those believing in an afterlife think there are differences, I don't. I remember saying this a few times while in Yeghegnadzor to people I was speaking to about how unfair it is that some of us are "born wealthy" compared to so many in the rest of the world, that in the end we are all the same. I thought I was being empathetic: but maybe it was more to appease myself, now that I think of it.

It's a dark day for many reasons, including literally so. It has been cloudy every day I have been in Yerevan. After being in sunny (for the most part) Yeghegnadzor, while driving here via the winding roads back into the valley, I saw Ararat and Masis towering over a hazy cloudy mass below (which I never got to photograph, thinking I would do so when closer). We soon enough drove through that murky soup, and I haven't seen the sun since. So maybe a few days of this weather, and a rainy day today, has caught up with me and made me weary.

What has likely affected me more, I think, is the fact that yesterday, I heard announced in Canada that I will not only need to quarantine for 14 days as expected, but I will also need to quarantine in a Health Canada approved hotel for a minimum of three days (in Toronto or Montreal, not Ottawa), until the results of my Covid test are received. If negative, I can leave after an estimated three days: but it might cost over $2,000. A punishment for those who choose to travel at this time, meant to discourage non-essential travel (such as mine, although I think those seeking sunny getaways were the main targets). I get it, I knew the risks coming here. But it kind of sucks anyhow. I guess it was a bit of a kick in the gut. I did not feel like getting out of bed this morning, I finally crawled out in the early afternoon and got a few things done, a few packages to deliver.

Then, I came to the Eat and Fit Healthy Food Café on Aram street (of course), the only place I've returned to in Yerevan as yet: good food, nice vibe. I had maybe the best ginger tea I've ever had, so I got a second one as well. Even though it's as expensive, almost, as it would be back home. Since being here a few hours ago, I've tried to sort this all out, and saw that I'm in a bit of a bind. As I write, I am on hold with Air France, trying to get through (addendum: I needed to contact them on the way to Armenia too, and it took several hours of painful waiting to finally get someone on the line... today should no doubt be worse?), to see if there is any way I can change my ticket for an earlier return, just before restrictions come into effect on Wednesday the 3rd. I would need a negative (one hopes!) Covid result as well. I am not keeping my hopes up.

I am also considering leaving a bit later instead. I mean, $2,000 for a three day stay in a hotel is pricey, compared to staying here a bit longer and possibly avoiding it altogether. Maybe: I am guessing that numbers will dwindle in Canada and things will be a bit more flexible, given time. I mean, there is no way to know, but it's possible... hopefully I can deal with this and get on a February 3rd flight and no longer worry about it. The stars would have to align pretty specifically for this to happen.

It's not just this travel thing that's got me down, although it was the catalyst. I reflected in earlier posts about the inequity of me being a wealthy person here. By here, I mean anywhere outside of central Yerevan, where I am simply one among a several-thousand throng of "elites", i.e. those who are wealthy by Armenia standards. I mean, sure we have such inequities back in Canada as well, as in everywhere in the world: but back there I am not an elite. And I don't want to be. And back home, we have universal health care. I recall one of the wives of the deceased soldiers I met, in Partsrouni I think it was, or possibly Martiros or Sers (my memory fails me), who had possibly broken her arm and was simply holding it up with her other hand... she certainly did not have a few thousand drams lying around to see a doctor.

Fundamentally I wish there was more equality in this world. I get it: sure, if enough people like me moved here, or even vacationed here, the living standard for everyone may well increase, I've heard the argument (including in this Civilnet interview with Patrick Elliott, brother of my friend Raffi, who recently moved here from Poland), and it makes sense. But, meanwhile, most Armenians couldn't afford to spend money in central Yerevan, and many might feel they need to put up with whatever BS someone like me is willing to dish out. Much less pay for medical care... 

Moreover, being poor or disadvantaged in Canada, with its own throngs of problems, is not the same as being so in Armenia, where if you are not able to work your ass off for whatever reason, you can likely die in short order. There is barely any middle class here. And there are just so many MORE people who are barely scraping a living here. The unfairness affects me: it did when I travelled here around the country in 2001, and it did again this time. Central Yerevan is held up as a light, a beacon, to call Armenians from abroad here, an Armenian capital, with recognizable big city advantages. And it works: it is truly a beautiful, old, soulful city, with amazing restaurants and bars and things to do. It is cosmopolitain, it is interesting. So, anyone with the cash can enjoy its delights. THAT is what gets me, and I can't seem to shake it off and enjoy it, as had been suggested to me, for more than a few days...

I'm ready to work again, but it's a weekend and I have nothing to do. I just wish I knew what help I can offer in my admittedly limited time here. Maybe writing this blog is one way, offering my feelings and photos to people thinking about what this country needs more of: investment and business, tourism and frequent (post Covid) visits, help without condescension... though I hope to help from back home as well, now that I have established a few contacts, and there are a few more to come.

I have been anxious and depressed today, but I don't think it will last. Maybe once this return ticket issue is resolved (still on hold, over an hour now...), I will feel better.

Meanwhile, there is much to add to this blog: I have a week's worth of stories and photos about Yeghegnadzor that I was too busy to post while there. I need to explain what happened with the donation money in more details (some of it is still being worked out, but I could explain where most of the money went or will go). I have other reflections to impart as well, for those who care to read about it.

I will post a few pictures of old Yerevan as can still be seen in Kond (to an increasingly limited degree, due to construction and expansion of grand hotels and other buildings nearby), which I briefly walked through today. It reminded me of most Armenian villages, expect for the sound of the traffic and tall buildings pretty much all around.

Off to a jazz club: hearing my favourite type of music might cheer me up!

I miss my kids.